Basic Training

So I'm realizing (or rather the Holy Spirit has revealed to me)that I am in training. There's so many stones & monkey wrenches & pebbles & bricks & walls in my path right now. The thing is He's helping me see it in the spirit. The fact that I'm not despairing as I normally would or thinking thoughts like "nothing ever works out for me" or "people just have it in for me" or "maybe it's just not meant to be" or some other low-self negative affirmation is a miracle and the evidence of Jesus working deep down inside of me. I'm realizing that I was in the dark thinking like that. Not that I always did, but occasionally those thought patterns would crop up and of course the enemy is ready to cash in on it and maximaxe it over our great big God.

I'm going through, yes..no doubt about it..that's real. But God's power is keeping me. My Daddy is teaching me, his child how to fight. On her knees. Dwelling in Jesus. Praying always about every single thing. See, before I used to fight against life and whatever unpleasant things may have been happening at the time. But when problems come now, no I'm not asking them to come, but I'm not raging against them or running away from them either. You're spinning your wheels if you do that and I believe it's a self-defeating behavior. It's all about how one thinks also..those deep-seated beliefs do manifest in our life. We've heard this all before. If you're always thinking "nothing good ever happens for me"..then it probably doesn't. I'm learning I must create my life and I'm doing it with the Creator. If you put one foot in front of the other, you are walking..no matter what gets thrown at you..you're still walking and moving and advancing. And you don't just wanna be walking, but you want to be learning and changing and growing and maturing. And you've got the Holy Spirit as your compass and counselor!!

Jesus is healing my thought life in the areas where there is doubt and in the areas where I'm just believing a lie. I try and pay attention to what I'm thinking(even if I don't verbalize it, Spirit hears it). Our thought lives are a mess and we don't even know it. It's like lifting up a beautiful plush carpet only to discover piles of dirt lying there. The dirt's got to be dealt with. It's not gonna sweep itself away and if it were up to dirt, it would stay there forever. We've got to watch how we speak to ourselves. Don't call yourself "dumb" or "stupid" b/c then you're in agreeance w/the enemy. Don't hate on you, the enemy does that enough. The Spirit of the Lord is teaching me all of this.

Getting back to "basic training", God is training my hands for battle. Things I never thought I could do before, things I easily gave up on before..now I'm sticking in there and my backbone is growing and being strengthened and I'm arming myself with the Word of God and His promises and covering myself with Jesus. Okay things fell through with this musician. okay, try another one. Okay you didn't get this job, what are you gonna do about it? stop looking? try another one. Try another door, another avenue, another contact...don't just stop b/c a roadblock got thrown up. The enemy is hurling his best at you cause you're God's best and you've made up your mind to FIGHT and to LIVE and to DREAM and to WORK and to FOLLOW-THROUGH and NOT GIVE UP...the enemy is hopping mad! lol..that sucks for him cause my GOD IS BIG AND BAD!! and He's gonna perfect EVERTHING that concerns His child.

I am in amazement of how I see myself changing and being sculpted in the Master hands. It's just so much, these words don't even half describe how I feel. I can't put it into words really. I just know how I used to think and do things at times and how God is changing all of that. Even my Mom can see me changing. "You're fighting harder now in some things, you're not giving up so easily in some things"..were her loving words to me. She has known my struggles. I know how very far God has brought me. From being a child with fear as her shadow to growing up in the shadow of the Almighty's wings and Him carving me out to be a masterpiece(even when I don't see it or believe it). A woman of courage and strength and valor and integrity and determination. I'm speechless. God you know.

Thank you for my basic training.

Thank you for my sun and for my rain.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I came in my crib tonight to find a "thing" on the side of my door that was long and had wings. Well of course I freaked out & immediately formulated a plan to get it outta my house. "What is THAT doing in here" and "HOW did it get in here" I asked out loud in shock, fear & horror. One eye searched for Raid(although I knew that probably wasn't powerful enough)and one eye stayed on the creature. Couldn't find Raid..didn't want it to fly away or betta yet fly in my face(winged bugs always do). I grabbed the next best thing..carpet foam cleaner...lol. I figured I foam it to death and smother those wings & paralyze the body and sweep it right on outside, where it SHOULD'VE been in the first place. What were you thinking coming up in here? You picked the right one buddy boy! I remember hearing myself pray"aiight God, let's me and you do this together".
So with a mini broom in one hand and the foam in the other, I positioned myself and sprayed and sprayed and sprayed..of course it started flapping and trying to get away. As the wings spread(and I began to scream, seriously)I saw what seemed to be patterns of a butterfly. What?! was this a butterfly that had been hanging on my door? See, I love love LOVE butterflies!!!! But it just didn't look like one all covered up. As it flapped on the ground(me continuing to scream)I quickly slammed the can on top of it's floundering body and with a victorious shout"YES!" I breathed a sigh of relief.
Well, needless to say it is still there, underneath the can and I hope my cat doesn't knock it over. I think I wanna put it in a jar and study it(former mad-scientist!)...sike no, I just love animals(except bugs, but butterflies are an exception.
All this fuss and it might turn out to be a moth.
oh well

the sun and rain of it all

Country anyone?

Lorrie Morgan

Shania Twain

Dixie Chicks(thee best!)

Martina McBride

Gretchen Wilson

Leann Rhimes

Faith Hill

These are just some of the country music artists I enjoy. I have to say Shania is my favorite Country solo artist and the Dixie Chicks are my favorite Country group

Leaky Faucets and Jesus Blood

I looked at my new bathroom sink today and thought "yeah but because of the leaks, I can't use it". And I thought "Wow, what if the Lord thought of and treated me in that way?". Because of my flaws and leaky faucets and breaks that He couldn't use me...that I would be thrown away-discarded. And I marvel at sometimes because of that, He uses His children. Saul, persecuting God's people, later on becoming Paul. A prostitute wiping the Lord's feet with her hair and thus being recorded in God's word..held in high esteem and favor for generations past,present & future. Moses,throwing down the tablets of the Ten Commandments and not being allowed to cross over but still being called a friend of God and able to talk w/God "face to face" and allowed to see His glory. If the Lord wanted to, He could've cast all these aside b/c of their issues...but no..He used them mightily.
We think the Lord doesn't want us because we're "damaged goods"..too tainted by the Fall and too much like sin to ever be forgiven, let alone loved & desired by the Lord Jesus Christ. So we run away from Him...and/or we come to Him & stay for a hot minute but then confronted w/our own failures and unrighteousness..we're gone! out! 'Sides, how can God want this mess!? Of course that's what the enemy wants us to think..so we can stay away from Jesus and never develop that relationship that His precious blood so miraculously provided. The enemy wants us to think we're beyond reach..beyond repair..beyond reproach. No victory, no power, no freedom, no peace..chained up and enslaved as if Christ never died for us but left us out of the Garden of Eden-naked, ashamed and too far gone for any redemption.
I even struggle with this at times. Sometimes I hear myself thinking "you are too much of a mess". And what we think, what's in that deep subconscious..isn't that what we ACT out? You feel like trash, you can begin to act like it. You don't feel no type of love for yourself, you stop taking care of yourself and also can't receive any love in...from anyone, let alone God.
God's not going to leave us alone,beloved. He will go to the far ends of the earth just to have us. Can you believe it? Can you receive it? Sometimes I'm like, "Lord, why in the heck do you want me???" "What for?" "I'm just gonna end up disappointing you and I'm just gonna end up messing up what you've invested in me..leave me be..I'm a lost cause." Have you ever felt this way? Maybe you didn't even know this thought/this poison in your mind but your life spinning out of control, could be manifest of it.
AAh but my Father is faithful and longsuffering with me and merciful and compassionate and kind and understanding. He waits for me. Sometimes He gives me a lil' push. He reminds me of His love. He reminds me of Calvary. He helps me receive His love and to not live under condemnation. He helps me to forgive myself, get up and continue that walk..ONE STEP AT A TIME.

"Father, I pray that if someone is feeling unloveable right now, that you put your arms around them and help them to receive your love. Your balm. Your Spirit. Help them to forgive themselves. Show them Lord that you mean them good and wealth and peace and soundness, even if they're going through right now. Let them feel You in a way that they never have. Minister to those broken places and those tears and those leaks and wounds and scars. Destroy the lies in their minds that have them believing they're beyond help. Oh God get your glory even out of their tears. Wipe their brow and scoop them up in your bosom. Love them well. Love them whole. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

I love you.
Jesus loves you the most. The best.
"He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it".

Lessons

A door closes/A door opens. Something you've been looking for, has been right in your face all along. If it takes a lifetime, pursue your dreams. Persistence pays, handsomely. Love the unloveable. Touch the untouchable. Pray always, Always pray. Jesus knows what I need and when I need it. He's so in tune w/His children. Enjoy my walk with Christ. Keep working. Keep putting art out there. Keep showing up. Keep grinding. Ground myself in God.,when the storms come..I am rooted and grounded in Him..not to blow away. ASK FOR DIVINE ORDER EVERY DAY(thanks Val). Praise Him NOW. NOW IS THE TIME TO WORSHIP.

**These are the lessons I learned today**

thank you Father, Son and Holy Spirit!

I love you

God You Are Good!!

yesterday the train broke down and we-the commuters had to sit in the dark for about 20 minutes and then walk over the tracks and lift ourselves up to another train.

Father, I thank you for your divine protection, for your divine hand, for your ways, for your timing, for your purposes, for your peace, your joy, your excellence, your hand, your angels, your strength, your grace, your mercy, your kindness, your love, your wisdom, your protection, your sovereignty, your omniscence, your omnipresence, your faithfulness, your holiness, your glory, your presence, your greatness, your awesomeness, your majesty, your power, your will, your eyes, your vision, your path, your dominion, your Word, your divinity, your control, your light, your face, your eternity, your salvation, your order, your plan, your voice, your direction, your tenderness, your compassion, your righteousness.

I love you Jesus

lemons out of lemonade

okay so here's an update on my braids...
I've contemplated trimming them but dangit I got them long for a reason! so the trim didn't fly. Then I thought 'bout just taking out the braids period, butttt I got them in for a reason! so that didn't fly. I was determined to make lemons out of lemonade. Ah me, what's a woman to do?

So I talked to my Daddy about it...I know He feels my frustration and pure peeved-offness(realizing the salon really screwed me up) and just 'cause He loves me He gave me a cool new idea of how to style them. So it's all good..for now. Thank you Jesus!

Nah I aint gonna tell you how I styled them..when you see me, you'll see it..ya digs?
Aiight, off to do some poetry(which I've been trying to do all day)

:-)

80's prelude

good morning Jesus

Listened to "Tears for Fears" today. I have their greatest hits...they are so rad!! get ready..cause I'm 'bout to write a blog on my love for the 80's!! yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Voices Carry

Carribean Queen

8675309(Jenny)

Come on Eileen

peace

9 minutes & counting

ok so I've got 9 minutes & counting till I've got to get off the net and tend to other things. Hi world, how are u? Quickly..I worked on some of my music again today. More ideas. More Creator flowing through me. About a year ago, I wrote this Christian hip-hop piece & I'm excited that it's gonna be on my CD. So next week is it. Prayerfully, the recording process will begin. I am to pray, keep working on my songs, and submit to the Spirit of God.

I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm contemplative. Will it pan out like the vision I have in my mind, heart & spirit? Will we all have great chemistry w/one another? Will I get through this? Will I be consistent & careful w/what Jesus placed in me? Will I keep my eyes focused on Him? yes, glory be to God, yes. With the Lords' help.
Alright, I'm out.

I love you Jesus :-)