and breathe....

little lifts today in the spirit..a smile...a laugh...a couple more laughs..bopping my head to the music...peace..feeling ok inside..talking to my Lord a little bit,more...
I thank God cause he kissed,hugged and held me today(like everyday)..but I felt it through my grief...
I'm grateful
I love him
I'm looking forward to coming through this one step at a time
by the hand of Jesus
gnite

pain and choices

what do you do when you are grieving?

you start reaching for old lovers in your life..it could be food, daydreaming,an ex-boyfriend,sex,excessive partying...
things that you were in bondage to..provides temporary relief but it scars your soul and separates you from Jesus. It also gives the enemy a gateway..he just needs a crack..to start demolition again..he's always searching for a weakness..he will even use grief.
Let's face it..how many colossal mistakes and unwise choices has one made, after being lost in sorrow?
Well that's where I'm at now..I just lost a dear loved one..and I'm in my process now. kinda just wanted to lay in bed..didn't really do anything but..dream.
Dreamt of an ex..sin in conceived in the mind first..and it doesn't take long to crystallize into action.
I prayed today..even though I didn't want to and I'm a little angry w/God(ok maybe alot..but He's my life source..I can't stay away from Jesus. and so I prayed..to be kept by His power.
I got myself together long enough to walk into the night air and get a few things from the store...and that took much effort..had a good few cries....this..is..effort.
I was able to come out of my pain at different times today...when I watched the soaps(lol)...I counseled a young lady over the phone who was in much more agony than me..and then talking to one of my best friends who is also in extreme grief..
I was glad to help...although my pain is still here.
all in together now,
that's the sun and rain of it all..
gnite

p.s. my praise report I promised is that b/c Jesus lives...I can face tomorrow. :-)

eyes

yesterday was thanksgiving...
got alot going on in the head today...
yesterday was thanksgiving..and I originally wasn't gonna go anywhere..just was gonna chill in the house..just didn't feel like all the festivites, ya know? but I was invited over a family member's house..so I went..and it's always a blessing with good food, laughter, singing(alot of my family members are singers) and just praising God...lol..there was a discussion going on between myself and the others about who was better..Israel Houghton or Fred Hammond..really I told them that Fred had nothing on Israel...and whew! that started it..lol..now don't get me wrong..I've been loving and appreciating Fred's ministry for years(can somebody say "Commissioned"?!)..but as u well should know by now(if you've been reading my blog)..that Israel is it for me right now.
My cousin pointed out a wise and smart fact. We're all in different places in our life and it's at that place that we're ministered to. So, where I'm at in my life now is where Israel's ministry is blessing me..and I do mean blessing me. I thought it's so funny how we all see things differently. Our eyes are not the same and that's ok. We must respect one another. So remember not to argue anyone down just because they don't agree w/you or don't see things your way. Let them have their sight and you have yours.
It was beautiful how we could all let each other be who we are with all our different and opposing views. So, needless to say, my family fed my soul today(as they always do). Though sometimes I can be shy around my family, I'm learning to come out more and more and show my colors and love myself..and I give God all the praise,honor and glory for that. Please, Please, Please...BE YOURSELF. CELEBRATE YOU. and if you don't know who you are, just ask Jesus..he gives you your identity,purpose and worth. He will show you who you are, in Him.
It's in Him, we move and live and breathe and have our being. Praise be to GOD!
I'm turning in...I will have a praise report for you in a few days...God is getting ready to do something great and miraculous! in the name of Jesus..
be glorified Lord, be high and lifted up above the earth, have mercy,your sovereign will be done, on earth as it is done in heaven.
I love u
peace and blessings
g'mornin.

believe

Will u believe God for that crazy thing? Will you P.U.S.H.? Pray Until Something Happens? Will you take the Creator out of the box?
Do you believe God's word? Do you believe "Heaven and earth shall pass away,but my Word shall never pass away"..Will you believe, all by yourself, if necessary? Will you "hope thou in God?"
Why shouldn't I believe?
believe that ALL things are possible
not some,not most,but ALL..
WHY SHOULDN'T I BELIEVE?

Reflecting and Praising

good morning world
this week has been a series of crashing into sleep while meaning to do a million needed or wanted things(like blogging..lol).....and even thou it seems it all went by in a blur, I like to think I've learned some things that I didn't know b4 the week began..that my great teacher the Holy Spirit has shown me..reflecting..that's what I need...

I've learned it's possible to take wings and fly on the very thought of God's intense and personable love for me..it's even possible for me to explode and float in space with the love I feel for Him(and I will expound on this a little more later)

REFLECTING
I've learned that I need to love my enemies and that Jesus will help me do it..it is possible..to pray for them and watch God change hearts..mines and theirs...I've seen it in front of my very eyes this week...folk that if looks could kill,well u know....folk where I could feel their hatred of me(and of course the real is that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood") and it felt like prick pins all over my body..it hurts..now I could say I'm used to it..but some things u never get used to..what is awesome is that Christ is revealing to me the who,what,where,when and why behind it and that helps me go through it with joy...
Now right about now u might be thinking, "well what has she done to make people hate her?"....nothing. Some folk just decide they don't like you and they don't even know why..everyone has this in their life...and I used to wrack my brain and try to turn myself inside out to figure out what I could've possibly did...nothing. Enemies will always be...but praise be to God, I am victorious over my enemies in the name of Jesus...of course thee enemy is behind it...but God legislates it all...sometimes God allows offenses..yes , that's right..he will allow me to be wounded...but it's always for my growth/gold and for His glory...he always pulls the sun right out of the rain...oh I love Him so...He knows exactly what He's doing in my life and the more that truth is revealed to me by His Spirit, the more I can relax into His bosom and allow Him to fight my battles through my bended knee and surrended spirit...and the more I fall in love with Him.

whew! that was a mouthful...lol...now that I think about it, there were a thousand lessons this week for me....I'll just do some highlights...learning to be excellent in all that I do..to praise God through the work I do at my job(even though I don't like that job!)...God has blessed me w/it and entrusted me to it...I can't ask for His blessings in my life and expect to shuck and jive and dip and dive and do shoddy work...yet even though I've witnessed me doing this and Him still blessing me..that's His mercy..His righteousness..His grace..His favor..HIM. simply amazing...
okay my mind is drawing a blank again(happens sometimes)...I think cause there's so much coming to me all at once that my brain is overloading.....lol
also learning to reach for Jesus when I have blue days and not reach for everything/everyone else but Him....He really does want to share all of my life...all of it

PRAISING
ok now onto that love that has me exploding and flying...chile I've been listening to Israel and New Breed..just been ministering to me all week...I'm a singer and praise/worshipper and dancer...so I'm sitting at my desk like AHHHHHHHHHH! ready to jump off the walls listening to the anointing of God thru this man's ministry of music...it is the most radical and crazymadbeautiful music I've ever heard!! I could barely sit still and concentrate on my work...I just wanted to scream,fly,dance and sing to the Lord..but of course I couldn't very well stand on the top of my desk and do that..now could I? but....why not?...one day I wanna do it.
anyways just private things the Spirit of the living God would whisper into my spirit and ears just drew me to Him more and more and in love more and more....I'm a natural crier..so of course I was tearing up at the computer...whew ! I could barely contain myself...so that's what I'm listening to now....please...if u get a chance to get his music..."Live From Another Level"..u won't regret it...let Jesus wrap you in His arms and manifest all of His love/light onto you...cause that's what I gotta do right now....
thx for ur eyes..
luv u in Christ.
g'mornin'.

reunited

lol..I have not been able to get into my blog for a few days now..call me a technical misfit but I didn't know how to do a new post...don't laugh...lol..

anyways, Good morning..as usual dawn is right around the corner..I'm listening to "Creation Scapes" on satellite tv...a worship program..Jesus is so good and worthy to be praised! Good morning my Lord!

I'm so tired right now that the luxurious post I had for today..I don't think I'll do...I'll just say that I had that talk with the important person...it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be..we came to some understanding..I will keep it in prayer..prayer changes things and people's hearts...unbeknownst to me(or maybe it was somewhere deep in my subconscious)..another close friend of mine had to have a talk w/me that same night...so I was emotionally and mentally worn out.

I give praise and thanks to my Lord for His brand new mercy and grace..for a brand new day...now let me be obedient and get to bed!

luv and peace

7th day a.m.

good morning...am I weird for being excited about my first blog?...seems I've entered space where many planets are already orbiting..felt drawn in my soul to this place for awhile now...so ok,let's get this out of the way..I'm a poet..and so I speak in "poetic" terms..cool? ...so(that's too many so's) it's Sunday and yes I'm usually up at the crack of dawn..doing a plethora of different things..writing..daydreaming..writing...catching a cool music video..ya know, dwelling the night,scaling the morning....
hmmm..so how does this blog thing work? I'm amped about the endless possibilities of this canvass...
um..... what am I doing? no one might not even read this..am I talking to myself?
whew...the mind is scary, when u let it unravel to place it's fingerprints randomly down...aight lemme bring it on in..lol
yesterday is gone but it was a bluish day for me...slept too long, when I know good and well I had things to do...guilt...but first things first...I didn't have my quiet prayer/worship time alone with my Lord and that in turn throws everything off! I'm no good without him...
I find myself drawing a blank on what I actually got accomplished..maybe it was just some good self-introspection...also something else was pressing on my mind..had to have a sit-down with an important person in my life...relationships are hard...relationships are work...and the reality of that partly eclipsed my day....well...
that's the sun and rain of it all.
gnite