Sun/SON

the enemy must see a glimpse of my future cause he trying like heck to snuff me out!
BUT I BELONG TO JESUS CHRIST AND HE IS MY BEGINNING AND MY END!

***HE REIGNS FOREVER AND FOREVER!!**

**away for a bit**

hey world
my computer is taking it's ailing body to get healed, so I won't be posting for awhile(1-2 wks,tops)...hopefully I can still check my site thru a friend's computer so if u still need to hit me up, do that . until then
peace & poetry!

God bless

Jaz

ahhhhh! update

Here sits in it's jar, the moth thingy I caught a couple weeks back, in my crib. It's dried up now and it's wings are petrified in mid air and I think I see the mouth slightly ajar. What an awful way to go. As I look at it's sad demise, I keep asking it out loud "WHAT were you doing in my crib??!!". Do I feel sorry for it? yes. Actually I didn't compute that once I sealed in up in an airtight glass jar, that life as it knew it, would expire. I wanted to keep the thing alive and just study it(former science experimenter!) & look @ those beautiful wings. But alas, that's not gonna happen.
I was kinda taken aback when I came home and saw it was gone after only 1 day of being in the jar. When I initially captured it, a can of aerosol something housed it on the carpet in my hallway. When I came back to it, 3 DAYS LATER, it was STILL ALIVE. I pictured it attacking me, just to get me back for cutting it down in the prime of it's life. Think "The Birds". I always wondered if an insect would ever come back to haunt me & exact its' revenge(it get's stranger,trust me). So I sat there @around 2 in the morning, mind you, recovering from being sick all week, and I waited it out. Seeing as though it was still flopping around, I knew I had to get it back on its' backside (I've heard that cuts off air) & so I commenced to move the different objects I placed over it, around and around and get it dizzy & to do what I needed it to do..turn ova!!! I was amazed at how it fought for breathing rights.
'Bout 1 hour later, I was finally able to get it in the glass jar and it didn't fight me. "Great", I thought, "Now I can have my very own butterfly to look at and admire. Maybe have it inspire me to flight. Humph. No such luck.
The thing conked out on me & I bet it never knew the elaborate plans I had for it's winged body.
I kinda want my butterfly back. And I keep calling it that, but really I think it was a moth b/c of the gray body and non-colorful wings. Darn! the dang thing couldn't even deliver on that end.

UM-WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT MOTHS??

Ok I'm tired. But I just wanted 2 share this w/u world and bask in the horrified look u now have after reading this post.
Yeah it's me, I'm weird.
And I like it.
thanks you.

peace

deep wells-thanks Mama

This weekend my mama really poured into me. I mean I always get wisdom from her when she talks & just some sound advice and profound views...I love her eyes. I love it that among everything else special about our relationship, that we're spiritually compatible. Isn't that awesome!!

I was talking to her about my career & how some recent opportunities or what I perceived as opportunities had dried up. Talking 'bout me going into the studio & finally recording my music. One of the peeps I was "in talks" with was supposed to contact me this weekend and he didn't. Now last weekend was the same scenario & I called him off & on that day to no avail. A good friend/artist of mines this week told me"don't let them see that you're anxious; they could take advantage of that". Now you know me; I'm just excited about everything and I still see wonder in things and that's me and I don't want that to change..that's how God made me. But the Lord also told me in His word "Don't be anxious for anything"...so that's straight from the Master.

Anyways I was telling my mom about how I was NOT gonna chase this guy around this weekend...and that if he really wants to work w/me, then he will reach out. The actions aren't matching the words & I've been taught to pay close attention to that. That goes for any situation/relationship in life. I can't be in denial or be nieve. This is my life, my career, my dreams we're talking about and they're worth being taken seriously.

So my mama told me to watch out and ask God for divine wisdom. To pray for the people who are gonna come into my life and work w/me on my projects. I do do this, but not enough. She said that whenever it looks like an opportunity has come forth to work w/someone, that I should start praying right then and there and don't stop. And don't put all my eggs in one basket, nor make this person to be my "way"..you know, the way I'm gonna get into the industry. Like "I must work w/them or they're my only way". No. God has many, many open doors for me and people that I'm not even aware of yet that will come into my life. Mom said it might even be someone right up under my nose. As I listened to her and her words comforted me, I was so grateful to have her deposit wealth into my spirit. She told me, "You may look very young, but you're a grown woman who has suffered in life and grown much and you know how to speak up for yourself and fight and you're not a silly little girl. Who you are, commands respect". I was quietly in tears on the phone. She doesn't know how much my heart swelled in mad love for her. She was watering my deep wells. We all need that in our lives and in our journeys.

My mama was telling me about my gifts and how much they've cost me. And this is true. I felt so validated. She told me 'bout the folk that will try & take advantage of me and the wolves in sheep's clothing and folk in it just for the money. She knows my passion and my heart. I listened more intently than I ever had to mother that day. The Lord was using her and I don't even think she knows it. I loved her for believing in me and I told her that. I quietly wondered who else will believe in me. It's most definitely gotta be me, among others. Others that God is hand-picking. She told me she knows that I'm now ready after so many years of fears & procrastinations and issues within & without. And now that I'm ready, those opportunities I thought were gonna blosssom, dried up. She told me to just keep bringing it to the Lord and keep Him first and keep asking for direction & divine wisdom. I felt nurtured & fed.

My mama didn't expect me. She didn't know she was pregnant w/me for awhile. She just thought she was real ill. I wasn't supposed to be here. But this weekend my mama also told me that God had a purpose for me coming to this earth. A little poet inside of her. That I was born to be a star. I could've grew wings and flew at that moment. Her love, her belief in me, her validation of me, just sent me soaring right onto the next level that God needs me to be at.

No matter what I have to battle inside me or what the enemy throws my way, GOD KNOWS THE PLANS HE HAS FOR ME! PLANS TO PROSPER ME AND GIVE ME A FUTURE.

O LORD, I BELIEVE. HELP THOU MY UNBELIEF!

I love you mama.
I love you Jesus.
I love you Jaz