Have I told you what's been going on with my job lately? ahh..so so much to tell.
First, I have to pause and acknowledge Christ for still keeping my job and still keeping me while I'm at the job. It is truly a miracle.
Well, last we spoke I think I was telling of how my employment was shaky b/c of me having trouble making my quota/production. This time I thought it was over. I had even packed up all of my personal belongings & slowly but surely taken them home. I tried to do it inconspiciously b/c I didn't want folk in my business or asking "are you leaving?". I was for sure in my heart that I was gonna be let go. I had many meetings with management & it seems like some were trying to help but I felt so so helpless. I just began asking the Lord to help me accept it. But I always prayed that he would bless me w/another job before I got let go. I also know that Christ reads hearts & so He could hear and see in my heart the weariness of me working in corporate America all these years. How a deep wish is to be free from it all and time available for pursuance/crafting of my career in the arts and life's work in Jesus. So I struggled with those prayers and desires of my soul. The biggest part of these problems was my working relationship with my supervisor.
Keep this is mind. My momma of course always lifts this in prayer. She would encourage me so much. Singing to me and praying and going to God on my behalf. And then my fellow Christians on the job coming together and praying. I can't stress enough how utterly helpless I felt. I also began to feel anger & resentment towards my Lord who I reasoned"could deliver me from this if He wanted to". And that felt horrible and very disrespectful, but it was how I felt. I've been learning to share my whole heart w/God. Even the bad feelings. This somehow made me feel closer to Christ and I guess ready to truly surrender my very life to Him. We surrender in degrees & at different levels. But even though the surrender, the anger persisted. I know it sounds weird. I felt so vulnerable and like I was being thrown off a very high cliff to my demise. Everyday was like this. Everyday.
So about a month ago, I come into work after being off 2 days and my friend comes flying at me saying, "Did you hear the news?!!" And I'm like "WHAT?!"..and she commences to tell me that our super has gotten another position and we will have a new super. All I could do was mouth words that weren't coming out and praise God!! Now if you've read my previous blogs, then you know about the stormy working relationship my sup and I have had. It has been such a struggle and so very painful. But God moved her. I said, "GOD MOVED HER!". Isn't that amazing? And now my new sup is so peaceful and calm and she helps me to achieve my goals of production. I have not only been achieving, but have been exceeding! Isn't that just like the Lord? When I had did all I could humanly do, I had to then stand and SEE THE SALVATION OF GOD!!!!!! And I'm sure that's right where Jesus wanted me!
I praise God every day for helping me to achieve my goals and still keeping me with a job. And of course, as it has always been on this job for me, there are already new struggles and new levels of trust I'm being asked to rise to. But of course. Now why am I not used to this by now! lol..What makes it harder, is some of the things that I went through with the women on my job is now coming back around again. Once again I am flabbergasted and wondering why God would allow these very painful situations to arise again. You must be shaking your head by now. Don't I sound just like an Israelite?!!! complaining about not having choice meat, when the Lord just delivered me from Pharoah!! lol....
Anyways, It's about more trust, more faith, more love, more surrender, more of Christ and less of me. I don't like it and not gonna pretend I do. But it's bringing me to my knees more and a deeper revelation of Christ is coming forth. Also, that previously weak backbone, is now STRONG! THANK YOU JESUS!!
Whatever you're going through, understand that Christ's strength is made perfect in our weakness and total victory comes from total SURRENDER. I will too.
peace & blessings.
Labels: "Be still and know that I am God"
