maybe next year

they lost..I'm sad for them. This time I watched most of the game and even thought I don't understand the plays & football lingo; I wanted them to win. But I said a quick prayer for the Eagles tonight & it's just disappointing that this keeps happening. It always amazes me at the end of some 1 millioneth interview someone always sums it up with "maybe next year". That's some serious faith and dedication..or just plain 'ole craziness. And when they say it, I think too "yeah, maybe next year"...what else is there to say?

Among the post game and news coverage, there was also a report of a 23 year old female soldier dying. I thought, "now this is really what's important". Even though the hard work and dreams of men in green gear do matter..a young life snuffed out tops. I pray for her family. I pray above all that she was saved. That she will be with her creator & memories of bombs will be wiped away.

I thought of the hard work of them both..the female soldier and the men in green..and how things came to and end for both. Although the end of a season can't compare to someone's passing...we all experience and share in disappointment and pain. I praise God that only He can get us through these hard times. When dreams die and when our loved ones are gone. I praise God that I have a hope in Him. And that my heart is always in the best of care is His hands.

So Lord I pray for the pain of them both and that you would encourage and lift up heavy hearts and saddened minds. That maybe You would even use all of it to draw someone to You and set someone free..in the name of Jesus I pray. amen

WINGS

Last night I had this longggg conversation w/one of my cousin's. We had to be on the horn for at least 2.5 hours. Now, for me..this is not a stretch..I just love divine fellowship over the phone. Unfortunately my ghetto phone will only allow about 3 hours until it's starts beeping and shuts down on me..lol.
So we were talking, and you know how you're small talking and before long the convo is in knee deep to some heavy things? well that's how it was. Alot of times in the past when that's happened, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that it was a divine appointment over the phone. In other words He ordained that conversation to happen..before I was even born. amazing!! I love it.
Things dipped and dived and we just began to share w/one another some high and low altitudes of our lives. I divulged a whole lot and I felt safe to do that. At times I did wonder if I was talking too much or just being too open, but I knew that was me tripping and that the convo was divinely administered and led. So I kept on.
Eventually we wrapped things up(b/c the phone was beeping). No sooner had I got off and put the phone down, did the tears start coming in droves. I couldn't even believe I was reacting this way. It took me totally by surprise. I lifted my hands and just praised God and cried and worshipped Him. I couldn't stop. It was clear the Holy Spirit had me hemmed up in the bathroom! lol

What I hadn't yet realized is that He was healing me through praise and worship and song and tears. As I was talking, I was kinda reliving everything but from the standpoint of who I now am in Him, and I was able to look at the person I used to be. Hurt, confused, low on self and not in fellowship w/Christ. I was able to look at her and cry for her and love her and hug her. And all this was happening in the spiritual realm while I was talking. So when the convo ended..all that He was doing in me , just poured forth. I wasn't crying or even feeling sad while I talked, so that's why my reaction surprised me.
I thought about all Jesus has done for me. All that He snatched me from to save and preserve my life. All that tried to take me out of here and if it wasn't for His chasing after me and pursuing me and wooing me? I'd be doomed. And the thing is He drew me to Him, when I wasn't even bothering w/Him. I had my back turned and it was all about me. I mean what kind of amazing love is that? I can't comprehend it, but I thank Him.
When I finished talking, my cousin coudn't even believe that I was talking about me and how I used to be. The things I suffered through and the miracle that I am now. Oh it just floors me! (let me wrap this up, cause I'm fallling asleep..lol)
Wings is what God was spreading out on my back. As I cried and remembered, God increased my wingspan. HALLELUJAH.

So cry yall. get it out..let Him work on you.
It's always for your growth and for His gold.
and it's worth it all
Christ is worth it all!

So many blessings

This weekend I spent alot of quiet time w/my Lord. I first praise God for His Spirit drawing me to Him. I pray I come to Him out of love and not just duty. It was a pleasure to just bask in Christ's love. I've become more aware that prayer is a conversation and not me firing off my laundry lists of things I want God to do. I must give reverent worship & time and space for God to speak to my heart. I must learn to be quiet in His presence. Sometimes this is hard to do, b/c the mind wanders & I most surely fall asleep right there on my knees. I used to beat myself up about that..but my mama so graciously told me that those are the times I sleep on God's knee and He's just stroking my hair & lovingly looking at me. Isn't that precious?!
I found myself not paying so much attention to the clock and less anxiety(thinking of my to-do list for the day)than yesterday's prayer time. Thank you Jesus. I need to get lost in Him. I love it when He teaches me and then helps me to take it one day @a time and love myself.
I thought about the many many blessings in my life. How God has removed every single enemy that used to surround me in close proximity at my job. I still have enemies, but the ones that sat closest to me are gone. He changed my outlook towards them even before He moved them. I had to learn this year how to treat my enemies. How to heap coals of fire on their head by treating them kind. Oh trust me yall, it was NOT easy and I failed the test many times. But God slowly taught me that they need the love of Christ and that I am not to return their ignorance. He helped me see them through His eyes. That has been a year long lesson & I know Christ will continue to take me further & deeper into this lesson. It was confirmed thru the pastor on yesterday's message that Christ is concerned about how we treat people..enemies and all. So I praise God that He confirmed it b/c many times I thought I was losing my mind and that the lessons served no purpose.
Other blessings include the Holy Spirit opening up my understanding to the new things/functions at my job I've learned. Somehow that dart that the enemy lodged into my heart years ago that I was a stupid woman who couldn't learn anything, Christ has melted it and shown me full truth. I can LEARN all things through Christ who teaches me. I have learned to ask God to show me creative ways of learning, since He is the Creator. All creativity comes from Him. Just the confidence He has bestowed upon me is amazing. Thank you Jesus.
Blessings in seeing family members come to Jesus, that I've been praying for, for years. HALLELUJAH! Seeing different family members being healed of old wounds and just me coming closer to different ones.
SO MANY BLESSINGS.
I PRAISE YOUR NAME.

Going forward

Hi all...it's 3:35 p.m. and i'm just sitting here blogging on the first day of 2007.
Happy New Year to all.
I have many thoughts today. Wondering what the new year will bring. wondering what my day back at work will bring..lol..sike, not funny. I'm still looking for a job yall..and honestly, I'm tired of it. Don't quite feel like it anymore. But how else will a breakthrough happen if I don't keep on with it? Oh God, please empower me..please keep me..please sustain me.
I just read the article about a Bronco player's passing this morning. so sad. senseless violence..I pray for his family.
I asked God last night why can't He just come on and get His children now? We were watching the Christian movie "Left Behind" last night in church and it just puts you in that frame of mind. The destruction of the end times to come is so awful and I praise God that I will be "caught up" with Him in the air along w/my loved ones(who are born again), but it's like I don't want anymore suffering to happen..no more pain. I think God whispered in my ear, "there's still more to be saved".

So, going forward I must get into a bible study this year. And I must start venturing out to visit different churches as I need to eventually choose, by the Lord's leading, a new church home. Prayerfully, I will also be resuming working on my cd. I must step out a whole lot more into the christian arena of open mics. God has let me find out about some great ones and it's just a matter of me facing my fear and showing up to do what thus sayeth the Lord.
I've also prayed that God would restore my passion for reaching out to the homeless and give me a passion for reaching the lost w/the Word of God. That I would begin visiting sick children and maybe reading to them and praying for them. Just so many things, with God's help I must begin doing.

Thank you Father, for first putting these things in my heart. Now I pray for a spirit of willingness, obedience and a reverent, worshipful fear of You my Lord to go forth in total surrender to all you've called me to do...in the name of Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God. amen