And my Heavenly Father does it again

I praise You Jesus!

Just as I noted in my blog yesterday that Christ would work on me & meet me right where I am, so He did just that yesterday in Sunday church service. Should I have expected anything different? Isn't His track record impeccable & perfect? I admit I was surprised that it happened this fast.
Saturday evening I set my clock to rise & hour b4 church. I had made up my mind to go, even though I wasn't feeling cool with my Lord. But when Sunday crept in my window & I heard that buzz, I thought twice about going. I rolled over, pressed the snooze & fell on back into dreamland. Only the phone rings from my sistafriend woke me back up. She had changed her mind & wanted to attend service w/me! I was delighted. I enjoy our friendship so much & we love visiting this church together in Cheltenham Township. So that was all I needed to be on my way. Of course, that shouldn't have been my motivation-but nevertheless it was.
Unfortunately I still went to church expecting nothing. I figured I'd get my praise on(I dislike that statement so!) and say hi to a few folk and roll out; unaffected & unchanged. I didn't really like feeling that way, but that's where I was. And my Jesus knew it. So I'm sitting there & listening to the Word and I begin to realize that God has sent me a personal Word. That He had tailored this message just for me. I couldn't believe it. I actually didn't want to be comforted & I had an attitude of skepticism while listening. But it became clear & undeniable.
The preacher said that God said that "Moses is dead" and for Joshua to go on and lead the Israelites farther on to their destination. Now I didn't think anything of that when I heard it-pertaining to my situation. But God began to show me that my "old" situation..the job that hurt me so..was dead. In the past. OVER. And that I was to move on to the next level of what God has for me. That I was not to "look back"-which is what I've been doing ever since I got news of the new job. Of course I had a little private arguement with the Lord right there in the pew. I'm like "God, I'm trying to move on. I've been for months, moving on in my singing and poetry career. But now, you've pulled me back into what I've left behind". What do you have to say about that Lord??? lol...My precious Jesus just came back gently, attuned my ears to let me hear that he was saying "My child, I don't want you to compare this new situation w/the old. Just b/c it's another office job, doesn't mean it's the same thing. It's not and you are not the same person. I've changed you and you are to go forth in all I've taught you through the fire and walk into a new & higher place in me. Wherever I say go, then go."
WOW! I thought. I had no retort or come back for that! I praised God and quietly asked for a complete surrender in my heart, mind, soul, body & spirit to His will. He was so gentle with me. I'm still reveling in it & thanking Him. God knows just where to touch you and just how to touch you. Also, I obviously haven't moved on if I'm experiencing all of these negative feelings now. I must take trust in the fact that God knows I need more healing and He has chosen His best way for me to arrive at that place of wholeness. True-it is not what I would've chosen for myself. But nevertheless, thy will be done Lord.
I feel so good that I can be myself with Christ and don't have to cook anything up or pretend that I don't feel a certain way. He really does accept me for who I am. Every so often He reminds me of that wonderful truth.
So, I go forward. Keeping in mind to pray for myself and use these 2 last weeks of freedom to accomplish some more things I want to bring forth. God has been teaching me to manage my time and I will continue to be a student in that classroom. He is transforming my mind and heart right before my eyes and it's an amazing thing to feel and behold. God, where in the heck would I be without You?! Who would I be? A lost soul...drifting & self-destructive with no purpose.
Thank you Jesus for daily being my Saviour and continuing to mold my clay with your golden hands.

I love You.

Rain

Now, here I sit feeling like some kind of fraudulent hypocrite cause I know I haven't been fellowshipping with my Lord ever since I got some other news today.
I gotta job yall. Or, let me correct that...the LORD got me a job. Now, ordinarily one who's been out of work, would be delighted & over the moon w/that bit of information. But-not-I.
If you've been following/reading my blogs or if u know me, you know by now that my previous employment traumatized me. This is not a play on words or dramatic by any stretch of the imagination. My family & friends knows how I suffered & was wounded deeply. Of course, Christ in His mercy, grace & kindness has since shown me every reason why I had to suffer the way I did. And honestly, I am grateful for that. He does not always do that with His children. Oft, we twist & turn in the windstorms, then we're plucked out; without so much as a explanation from God as to why it all happened. And we must choose to trust that God's higher purposes prevailed and we were transformed a little bit more into His glorious & humble image.

But I digress, still feeling like a fraud b/c honestly I don't feel chipper, happy nor too pleased w/my Lord right now. I don't understand why I've been asked to go back into a windstorm I was delivered from, when my wounds are still raw & I KNOW I'm still not healed. My mama has been reminding me in the past few weeks to remember to pray for myself, that God would heal, restore & make me whole. Most times I forget to pray for myself. There's so many other things & other people to pray for. But I now believe God was using her to remind me to pray for me cause He knew what was coming...another round in the fire.
Now I know my enemy & that he is delightfully magnifying my fears & putting a huger spin on this than there really is. Not that it's not huge..but I know him lying to God's children & maximizing a speck of dust is his specialty. That's why I asked God today to help me not believe his lies and MY own lies. Because of the imprint of trauma still lurking near in my subconscious, I might possibly be magnifying things as well.

God, have mercy on me.

Do you know that I cried after the interview? Not tears of joy. But just the mere thought of going back into all of that, brought me to heavy sobs in my soul. And this is what God saw & He knew that I was not gonna be pleased about the "good" news. He knows me better than I do myself. Yet, this is still happening.
I know, I know, I know that I am being called to a higher level of trust. I know all of that. It doesn't make me feel any better. I have learned to entrust all of my feelings, emotions & wherever I'm at emotionally, mentally, etc. to God. Only He can bring me to a level of acceptance. Only He can saturate me with the grace I'm gonna need. Only God can cause me to see this thing with His eyes. Only Jesus can give me peace about this and draw me to actually start praising Him for it, even with all of my not understanding.

And so I wait. And pray a little. And wait. Tussle back & forth with God & wait some more. Close my ears & refuse to listen & wait again. Break down & cry and fall into His arms. And wait. For Him work in and work on me...His eternal workmanship. And He'll do it...He always does.

"Thank you God. I praise You for accepting me right where I'm at"

Sun

Good morning,
Well I have been sick for the past 2 wks! Praise be to God I've been able to get to the doctor & was prescribed antibiotics. Now, check this out. Because I'm currently uninsured, I was told the meds would be $100 smackaroos!! HUH??!! I couldn't believe my ears. Half of me was however expecting to hear an astronomical monetary figure b/c of other horror stories I've heard.

Today when I went to another drugstore and presented the discount card my doctor gave me, the lady told me "that will be $20.00" OH MY WORD! I said "are you sure ma'am?" "I was told another high figure". She double-checked and repeated those glorious words. I just praised Christ inside my soul. How amazing! and how kind. I figured the other drugstore must've said they put the discount card in, but didn't. Either way, I know it was the favor of God.

So this was a kiss today from my precious Saviour and I'm grateful.

Unfortunately, this blog post can't stay all sappy today....I got MUCH to write to you about & it's not gonna be all sunshine & roses. You know how I do....gotta give you the sun AND the rain of it all.

First the sun...now the rain...

great new Christian site!

Happy Birthday to me!

Okay I'm like an hour & 22 min. past due but anyways.....HAPPY BLESSED ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR BIRTH JAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Jesus for my life..Your giving me life..You in me..to make this life worth living to the glory, honor, power, majesty & dominion of God Almighty!~~ He's coming back soon!!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

Yes, you can understand God's Word

Did I tell you how much the precious Holy Spirit is illuminating God's Word to me?
Today in bible college, the class had to present 4 minute speeches they wrote describing an object, event, person or situation. The miraculous thing about it is that God had given me what was going to be my speech, before that assignment was given. I had just read Isaiah 40 a few days b4 the assignment and just begin to experience the power & comfort of God, as His Word became life to me. God's Word is always alive, but not every Christian experiences it becoming life to them.
Sometimes we read out of duty or habit or just by chance. Skimming the pages, but never getting the full life-changing power of God's Word. So my speech was about my Bible journey all the way from childhood when God drew me by His Spirit at 7 yrs. old to now. How I used to think reading & studying the Bible was for others. That it didn't really apply to me. How I thought only ministers could understand or expound on it. How I believed that I could never really truly understand it. This has bothered me off & on throughout my life. But I never really spoke on it. Yet God reads the hearts of man. He used everything in my life(even the doubts & fears) to bring me to this point of being opened to the amazing truth of understanding & divine illumination of His Word. I am still yet rejoicing!
I was asked to read my speech again for tomorrow's Sunday service. I am glad that it blessed someone & that it will continue to bless the body of Christ. I know it brings God much glory & honor. Others who experience the same fears I did, can truly be delivered and begin to look at and experience the Bible in a brand new way!! I love it, love it, love it that all wise God has others in mind, when we go through. He was even thinking of others in His body who would be free from what He wrote through me. Simply miraculous!!
And He keeps on blessing. He is getting me to the point of reading my Word every day. And now adding studying on top of that. I'm excited.
So my friends, if you'r experiencing any of this, let God know what's on your heart. I never even verbally told God about all that I was feeling, but He lives inside and knows His children through & through. I pray God will bring all of His people to "Grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord & Saviour, Jesus Christ"...to the glory, honor, power, majesty and dominion of God Almighty!! amen

love u

The Blob

How about this classic film came on the other night @1:30 in the a.m.! I stayed up, watched it thru a broke down t.v and then dreamed about blobs! lol..
Anyone who knows me knows I'm NOT a scary movie-watching person, but this picture is just beyond ridiculously, absurdly and hilariously FUNNY!
How is it that only cold air would stop it?! How are u in the car w/your girlfriend and don't realize that a blobbish substance is overtaking her??!! HAHA! Why did it supposedly come from outer space and crash to the earth like a meteor on fire?!(what a storyline!) I LOVE IT!

the best!

breathe in, breathe out

Sooo many things to update u on....

so I'm like an octopus now...lol..a couple of arms are handling the poetry side of things and the other arms are handling the music side. Last week began my first studio session & come 2 wks. I'll be(if God grant me life) sending out my first manuscript of poetry for a book publication award. wahoo and Hallelujah!!
I'm very pleased & grateful w/how God is helping me to progress in these areas that I feel I should've done a long time ago. Maybe I wasn't ready back then, maybe I was too dis/unorganized & procrastinative (is that a word? lol). I believe so. And that's another thing, my belief in myself was very very low. Who puts something to task when they don't believe? Faith is necessary & life-breathing. So God knows all things and was working in me His good pleasure & will to bring about these works from my soul & from His bosom. We're in this together & I must not waste time looking back, but must forge ahead & bring Christ glory on this earth through what He's birthed in me. I'm very pleased. Even the more grateful & humbled.
The manuscript is my baby & for the first time, my poetry is gonna be racked over the coals in the editing process!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh! lol...I resist, but yet I must surrender. It's all part of the writing industry. God has already granted me favor by putting 2 editors in my pathway. They have both agreed to do it. WOW! So I know Christ is preparing me for whatever feedback I'm gonna receive and I just wanna use everything as a learning tool. I must be pliable & teachable w/an open mind...even when I write. I'm learning. and again I'm grateful.
So it's all a balance(something the Lord has been working in me for YEARSSS!). When I feel & see how He truly is guiding me, it wells up my water ducts & I am so filled with love & adoration. That Christ can work with, on & thru the mess I am!!! goshdiggedeedarn & HALLELUJAH!!! lol
I know it's not about me and all, but Christ really wants His children to be wise & full of understanding. He wants us to be mature & grow. He wants us to take responsibility & be willing to learn. He does have us in mind and how we live our lives, when He brings about His glory through us. I learned in church today that when we go through, God has others in mind. Isn't that amazing!! Meaning He's already got who in mind that He's gonna heal off the pain of your wounds. It's so miraculously grand I can't wrap my brain around it! I'm reminded that God does a COMPLETE work. Thank you Jesus.

Well I'm off to create some more.

I thank you God for choosing me to fulfill your purposes here on earth. May I never be hesistant to pour into others' lives & may I never be selfish to keep my blessings to myself. Help me, like the pastor said today, to go out and SEEK someone to bless. Not for pride but to be a reflection of Jesus' servant-walk here on earth. God the fact that you've made my mind like a poet's mind is blowing my mind. You didn't have to do it Lord and I just pray that I would honor you with it all the days of my life. For however long you choose to use me in this capacity(or any capacity of your liking), let me be radically obedient and overjoyous to do what thus sayeth the Lord! in the name of Jesus amen.

If I ever doubt that I'm blessed, let me take that quick test(thank you Pastor Waller!):
breathe in and breathe out!...

yeah, I'm blessed.

love u all