THE FIRES OF JESUS (ouch, ouch!)

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Current mood: melancholy Category: Life


peace & blessings
Have you ever been in His fire? I mean straight heat, pressure & pain? Flesh boiling & dying? This is where I am.
Christ has already exposed me to His fire many times before. But the heat now is hotter than ever. He is showing me more & more that I am to fellowship in His suffering. It's a FELLOWSHIP? wow! I stand amazed. But I also am crawling & broken. Making my way to His bosom as He purifies me. I have been angry with my Lord & frustrated & joyous & jubilant. I have questioned Him & felt hopeless. I have felt the prayers of my loved ones lift me up & have soared in the intercessions of my Jesus. How majestic of Him to pray for His children! that is beyond me.
If you've followed my blog or if u know me, by now u know I am at a job I literally loathe. It is mentally, physically & emotionally draining. But more than that I am in many spiritual battles there. God told me over 2 years ago, when I first got the job that I was going into "basic training". I figured "okay, that lasts for about 6 weeks, right?" HA! HA! again. It has been one spiritual fight after another w/barely a breather in between. My heart recently cried out to Him to please remove me from that place(even w/my fear of no income). HE SAID NO. I'm still recovering from that no.
I know. I know He is taking me from Glory to Glory. Of course it's gonna get more intense. Gold can't come forth without that intense heat. But I am beyond tired & even beyond weary. Yet I am still here. Yet Christ continues to strengthen me and pour His grace over me and sing His songs to my soul. I thank Him. I kiss His feet. I shout. I scream. I kick. I cry. I wonder why. And it's all so lovely and it's all good, b/c this is my anointed & wonderous marriage to my Husband-Jesus.
I have watched Him elongate my backbone & develop many spiritual muscles in me. I have watched Him "prepare a table before me in the presence of mine enemies". I have watched Him stretch me to what I thought was my limits. I have watched Him change me and continue to develop my character. I have experienced Him burn some negative mess out of me. I have felt Him hold me as my enemies mocked me and threw daggers. I have drank and ate the scriptures as never before & above all..have fallen more in love with Jesus! So praise be to God for HIS PERFECT WILL in my life. My life IN Him. My life THROUGH Him. My life poured out to Him. This is how it is supposed to be.
Father God, please continue to strengthen me and perserve my life for Your purposes. Help me to see this all through YOUR eyes. Not my will, but YOURS BE DONE, in the name of Jesus. amen
I love u Lord always and forever,
Jaz