Basic Training

So I'm realizing (or rather the Holy Spirit has revealed to me)that I am in training. There's so many stones & monkey wrenches & pebbles & bricks & walls in my path right now. The thing is He's helping me see it in the spirit. The fact that I'm not despairing as I normally would or thinking thoughts like "nothing ever works out for me" or "people just have it in for me" or "maybe it's just not meant to be" or some other low-self negative affirmation is a miracle and the evidence of Jesus working deep down inside of me. I'm realizing that I was in the dark thinking like that. Not that I always did, but occasionally those thought patterns would crop up and of course the enemy is ready to cash in on it and maximaxe it over our great big God.

I'm going through, yes..no doubt about it..that's real. But God's power is keeping me. My Daddy is teaching me, his child how to fight. On her knees. Dwelling in Jesus. Praying always about every single thing. See, before I used to fight against life and whatever unpleasant things may have been happening at the time. But when problems come now, no I'm not asking them to come, but I'm not raging against them or running away from them either. You're spinning your wheels if you do that and I believe it's a self-defeating behavior. It's all about how one thinks also..those deep-seated beliefs do manifest in our life. We've heard this all before. If you're always thinking "nothing good ever happens for me"..then it probably doesn't. I'm learning I must create my life and I'm doing it with the Creator. If you put one foot in front of the other, you are walking..no matter what gets thrown at you..you're still walking and moving and advancing. And you don't just wanna be walking, but you want to be learning and changing and growing and maturing. And you've got the Holy Spirit as your compass and counselor!!

Jesus is healing my thought life in the areas where there is doubt and in the areas where I'm just believing a lie. I try and pay attention to what I'm thinking(even if I don't verbalize it, Spirit hears it). Our thought lives are a mess and we don't even know it. It's like lifting up a beautiful plush carpet only to discover piles of dirt lying there. The dirt's got to be dealt with. It's not gonna sweep itself away and if it were up to dirt, it would stay there forever. We've got to watch how we speak to ourselves. Don't call yourself "dumb" or "stupid" b/c then you're in agreeance w/the enemy. Don't hate on you, the enemy does that enough. The Spirit of the Lord is teaching me all of this.

Getting back to "basic training", God is training my hands for battle. Things I never thought I could do before, things I easily gave up on before..now I'm sticking in there and my backbone is growing and being strengthened and I'm arming myself with the Word of God and His promises and covering myself with Jesus. Okay things fell through with this musician. okay, try another one. Okay you didn't get this job, what are you gonna do about it? stop looking? try another one. Try another door, another avenue, another contact...don't just stop b/c a roadblock got thrown up. The enemy is hurling his best at you cause you're God's best and you've made up your mind to FIGHT and to LIVE and to DREAM and to WORK and to FOLLOW-THROUGH and NOT GIVE UP...the enemy is hopping mad! lol..that sucks for him cause my GOD IS BIG AND BAD!! and He's gonna perfect EVERTHING that concerns His child.

I am in amazement of how I see myself changing and being sculpted in the Master hands. It's just so much, these words don't even half describe how I feel. I can't put it into words really. I just know how I used to think and do things at times and how God is changing all of that. Even my Mom can see me changing. "You're fighting harder now in some things, you're not giving up so easily in some things"..were her loving words to me. She has known my struggles. I know how very far God has brought me. From being a child with fear as her shadow to growing up in the shadow of the Almighty's wings and Him carving me out to be a masterpiece(even when I don't see it or believe it). A woman of courage and strength and valor and integrity and determination. I'm speechless. God you know.

Thank you for my basic training.

Thank you for my sun and for my rain.