time

yes it has been over a year since I posted to my blog!!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR THE GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE IN MY LIFE!!!

Aiight lemme get my thoughts 2gether and I'll be back to chat

love yall!

painful lessons/ministering/Harlem/gratitude/prayers

Glad to come upon u once more world...thankful that my heavenly Father has allowed me to live and see His grace and mercy, compassion and peace today.

How was ur week?

Mine was one of painful lessons. God had to put a hole in my pocket, b/c I was dishonoring and disobeying Him with His money. It was indeed embarressing, shameful and painful...but I had to learn this lesson. I thank You Father that You are a perfect parent. You want your children whole.

I've been getting alot of ministering engagements(for poetry/song). I'm asking God is this him opening doors? and should I walk through everyone of them? Today in church, the minister reminded me that people are waiting to hear the good news. Sometimes I struggle with what to share b/c I wanna sing or read something I wanna read. But God may have another song/poem that He's picked out for me to share. I need to accept that I'm ALWAYS gonna stand out...b/c I'm wearing Jesus' name. It's my responsibility and calling to bring forth the gospel whether it be in poetry and song. I will begin praying on this.

So I've had a total loss now of 24 lbs...and I praise God for that! But on the other hand, I've recently but out of control with my eating. Me and God knows it. So I'm going back on my cleansing for 3 wks(no sugar, dairy, eggs, white flour products). I know when I'm out of balance and my choices reflect dysfunction. Thank God I don't have to stay here.

Was gleefully in Harlem yesterday with my good friend/writer for another annual book fair. It was on my mind how tiny I was this time last year and would've LOVED to be that way for Harlem. But God gave me the strength and grace to accept me now(as I continue to work on me)and just walk in self-love and self confidence.

Thank you Father for bringing both my parents through surgical procedures this week. You guided the doctor's hands and are healing them. I thank you for fighting for them regarding the insurance company and for more forthcoming abundance of blessings for them regarding employment and housing. NEW for them. NEW!

And new for me as well. Prayers for my residence, working w/a new producer on my music, and becoming healthy and whole financially. Prayers for theater, song and dance classes. Prayers for working hard to get out of debt. Prayers for finally getting my license. And there's always my desire in the back of my mind for a mate/man of God. But right now God is getting my life together to honor Him in all ways and in all things.

Thank you Father for ordering my footsteps and directing my pathways in You!

I love you

new

I thank God that He makes all things new. ALL THINGS.

Praise you Lord for Your Name being over my nature, my personality, my shortcomings, my fits, my frame, my mind, my heart, me.

Only You can create life. You are the Resurrection and the Life.

Restore dead hearts. Emblaze cold spots. Bring Your light into the dark. In the name of Jesus!

Thank you for making me new.

mind

okay, so what's on my mind this hour?
alot of things
i need some time off
i need to do much spring cleaning
i'm embarking upon a lifestyle change
I'm glad to know when to speak and when not to
i'm glad to know that I don't have to be in any "clique"
should i shed my braids for my fro?
i don't know
i'm thinking about Erykah Badu and all the reasons why she did what she did..truly beginning to understand "knowledge but without wisdom"

and so i'm learning to work hard...consistently. Consistent is the key.

I love you

goodnight

new lifestyle with a mix of regrets

So I just finished working out with a good sistafriend of mine...it's one step...it's one yes to healthiness..i'm on my way

and while this is true..I've gotta keep it real and admit that I'm feeling some type of way that I now have to work at it, when I didn't use to have to. Was slipping into size 5 jeans and feeling light and looking awesome! my body was tight! I didn't work for that body. Because I got sick and lost the weight and kept it off for a year. I wish it were still like that. I know regret is poison and wishing something doesn't make it so. I know this. But this is still how I feel. I battle with feelings of regret, even as I push forward into a new lifestyle of healthiness and goodness to me. And this battle too will pass. Thank God He fights my battles. Thank God he's strengthening me to do my part.

I have school today and am totally unprepared. I didn't do any homework throughout the week cause my mind was on other things and i was just a little lazy with it. so this is definitely NOT cool. But nevertheless I will sign off now and get to that homework. School is just a few hrs away.

lessons are always.

love ya!

sun and rain

surprises, gifts, miracles and other things

I just wanna take a moment to speak on happy surprises, little gifts and miracles...and some other things..

You never know who's watching you..your life..your ministry..never know what you're quite saying to people through your walk. I've been watched. I'm honored. Help me Lord to walk worthy of this calling. Help me to keep saying yes to You, even when it hurts to say no to what I want.

(sidebar..okay WHY is SNL still on the air??!!!)

The miracle is that after a year, I've turned in very very late exam papers for Ministry school and I've received nothing less than an A. AMAZING! MIRACULOUS! Only God KNOWS, how I almost gave up so many times b/c I had got so far behind and because I just simply didn't wanna do it. GOD YOU WOULD NOT LET ME GIVE UP. I thank You. I haven't always thanked you..forgive me for that.

There's still some things I'm finding challenging to let go, because I don't know if I'll ever have it...it seems to always elude me. Okay dang, I'm talking about relationships people..with the opposite sex. (This blog NEVER affords me to hide out from within these words..gotta be real..gotta be authentic..gotta pour out so God can pour in.)
There's no doubt in my mind, and it's been confirmed so many times and in so many ways that now is the time for me to work on my crafts..pour my passions into the gifts God's given me..and step out to minister in those gifts..whether i'm fat or thin..single or in a relationship..feeling adequate or inadequate. There's no more time to say no to GOD..there never was. How dare I say no to Him?? My own blind, selfish and foolish reasons which amount to a whole lotta nothing.

I can't believe how renewed my mind is. How I can walk in peace and the grace of God. How I can smile because Jesus Christ loves me and accepts me and is committed to me. TO ME.

Father God I'm NOTHING without You. When am I gonna understand that?

gnite my lovelies.
love,
JAZ

close/open

hello world...
letting some things/people go...embracing some things/people...it's a recurrent process..one I must learn.

We are worth being whole

hi babies...

As I was reading some of my old blogs on here..I realized that all eyes have access 2 this..my blog..some deep things..some peeling back the layers things..and i thought for a sec.."do i really want my mind on display?"...and then as quickly as that thought came..the truth came..That I was born a writer, a storyteller, an exhorter...my pain..my stuff..my issues is to be used to bring pearls..light..wings to the world. And more than that..to glorify God's magnificent and life-changing power in my life. sooo it's aiight! Read on..see urself in me...celebrate our humanity...cry..laugh..dance in the middle of your house...sing your life! WE ARE WORTH IT! WE ARE WORTH BEING WHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YALL!!!!!!!!!!!

school

so it's Sunday b4 the dawn and i'm up blogging....feels good

i'm actually rebraiding some of my hair..ya know making sure it's tight and right..lol

i'm learning more about men
i'm learning more about me
i'm learning more about men and me
i'm learning from the wounds
i'm learning to do some things differently
To establish a boundary and enforce it..and if not enforced..it's NOT a boundary
I'm learning special and wonderful life lessons from my most treasured circle of friends
i'm learning that doing the right thing won't always produce good feelings

I'm most surely NOT feeling this weight gain...i'm so mad at myself that i let me go
i can't hardly fit my clothes and i feel the heaviness in my body...i'm trying to remember how good i felt..how lite i felt..how proud i was..how blessed i felt...how beautiful i felt...how i can do it again...how the Lord and I CAN DO IT AGAIN


I love u all!

hello

hellooo my flowers! I've missed u well.

Tis a new year but more than that , tis a new day for me. I believe in taking it one milli- second at a time. That's what I learned from the huge storm God brought me through and out of last year.(bruising is here..still being healed)

I'm free. and that holds gold..it's more than any poetic line can express. I'm free. why did I doubt u God???

Since our last interlude, Jesus has blessed me with a new job.

can't be on here long..cause i gotta get my rest..yall know i gotta sprinkle a little cinnamon here..a little suga there....

I LOVE YOU ALL!

JESUS IS LORD