Process the day

Today I was in the studio. It had been a few weeks since I'd last been. I was sharing with my producer on how the enemy has been attacking me to get me to doubt God's will & purpose for me through this music. Saying that it's "never gonna happen''. But through the songs I was singing and my producer ministering to me, I was very much encouraged & lifted up in my inner man.

Today was so awesome in the fact that I heard the music for the first time! I bring the words and he brings production AND music. So to hear the lyric meet the melody was so moving and I cried deeply inside. Only God knows the fire and depth of the dreams He's put inside of me since before birth. To actually witness parts of it come to fruition is a miracle...especially when there's been much doubt.

I had to rush home to get to my bible classes later on, which is in N.J. I kinda wanted to just chill at home to marinate in what we recorded and envision more of my future and dance over how God's gonna glorify Himself in my life. So, I was not mentally, emotionally, physically nor spiritually ready to be in or participate in class. Funny, didn't I just come out of God's powerful presence at the studio? How is it then that now I was not "feeling" God?? What kinda Israelite-mess is that??? Cause we Christians today are just like Israel. Oh how soon we forget!!! Forget about God's blessing and providence and provision. How soon we forget His touch.
I had to fight internally all throughout the classes to just be interested and not have an attitude. I know I was "snappish" to some point and I'm sure my mom wondered what was wrong with me. I just wanted to leave and that attitude never really lifted. I had to apologize to the Lord. I knew I had to get home by myself and sort through the muck & mess. Plus I really don't like taking out my issues on others...it's not fair to them.

What I know about myself is that I need "me-time". If I don't get that in some form or fashion, then I'm like an empty gasoline tank...on "E". I think that's important to know that about yourself...whatever it is. Plus it was like "information overload" in class b/c there was a lot more to cover. I couldn't even really absorb it. But I just finally arrived home and took some time to decompress. That's what I need...to decompress. I also still had my wonderful studio morning on my mind and wanted to be able to soak in that and NOTHING else.
Now, I sit...totally decompressed and breathing alot more easier...lol. Feeling the carpet beneath my naked feet and being comfortable in my skin. Able to process the day. I couldn't do that before. I need to be able to do that. And now, it's 12:33 am. I am falling asleep as I'm writing this and I can hear my heavenly Father whisper "Go to bed daughter". "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Lord, I don't want to. I still got poetry to do!" Haha, but He's working on me once again to do His will and so...I'm signing off...

gnite and God bless