u gotta go through it first

blessed evening..
I just wrapped up another lovely conversation w/my Christian counselor. I thank God for placing her in my life. So many wonderful accolades flood in when I think about her and God's work in me thru her. One of the most phenomenal human beings I've had the pleasure of knowing. Sometimes in the office, it's been rough..not always sugarplums and cinnamon hugs..but she gives me the absolute truth that the Holy Spirit reveals to her and I am eternally grateful.
So anyways we were discussing a loved one & all that person has suffered and how it's brought them so much closer to Jesus and more determined to battle in the Kingdom of God. And I was saying how the songs that i write now are just on a whole 'nother level. The suffering that proceeds my writing is extremely painful. and she said " you gotta go through it first". The afterglow and gold will come from nothing less. I've got to experience it first! She said "what do u think Jesus meant by "take up your cross and follow me"?". We really have to take up our cross. We're in constant spiritual warfare & our suffering can't compare to what Jesus has for us on the other side of our pain. How amazing!
I can't imagine the horror of suffering without Jesus. and I don't want to. There was many a time when I actually tried to put off God and walk away and leave Him alone and asked Him to leave me alone. NOPE. not gonna work. My existence, my life DOES NOT work without Him. That's what I know for sure. We can't take ourself out of Christ's hands if we tried. The Bible talks about how far Christ will go to get us. You "make your bed in hell"..He'll be right there.
I used to just focus on the part of the scripture "No weapon formed against you shall prosper" "against you shall prosper". Without paying attention to the fact that weapons do form against us!! The Holy Spirit illuminated that truth to me. But praise be to God they will not prosper!
When I got off the phone with her, I was filled, as usual and just worshipping God at the foot of my bed. Thank God He orders the rain in my life as well as the sun.
and that my friends,
is the sun and rain of it all.

Merry Christmas